Getting There!

I am 6 1/2 weeks post surgery and today my blood counts are finally starting to rebound. I say that only to tell you that they took 7 viles of blood today so all that progress could be down the drain!!! Seriously though the doctor said that my blood counts are rebounding pretty quickly and all will be fine there.
As for reconstruction, I got thrown a HUGE curve ball on Friday. I went in for my weekly "filling" and then got told that my doctor has to have surgery and will be off for 6 weeks. Therefore, I will also have a 6 week delay in my "process" as the doc likes to refer to this as! Can you say hacked off!! Its not that I don't want the doc to feel better, I just don't want to have to wait to have boobs the same size. See right now I have 1-"D" and 1-"A-" not easy to pull off clothing when they are that different in size! The necrosis is still healing and is not bothering me as much, but we've decided to let it heal on its own instead of trying to sew it up again, so this will add weeks to the healing process as well. I am running a little short on patience with this whole reconstruction stuff. I keep reminding myself it's not about me, but dang it, it's getting old quick!
I saw a quote today on a friends fb that put a great new spin on an old quote. We've all been told that God doesn't give us more than we can handle--well that is not true. He does give us more than we can handle to we will rely on HIM!!

I Never Would Have Guessed

It has been 3 1/2 weeks since my first surgery for reconstruction. The doctor said that this would be a difficult surgery as far as recovery, but I would have never guessed it would have knocked me down like it has. At the end of 3 weeks, I am still not working full days (so not like me), I had a check up with the oncologist who informed me that I am VERY anemic. This would explain the no energy and the need to sleep for long periods of time. My incision is giving me a few problems, they say not to worry about it, but when the explanation of what is happening is that some of the fatty tissue is dying--it leaves a very unsettling feeling with you. I can say that I am emotionally spent. I have said on more than one occasion that had I known how difficult this would be, I'm not sure I would have been so eager to have done this. I know it is just the tired and emotional part of me saying this, but really lets get on with it. They start tomorrow adding saline to my tissue expander (that should feel great!!) but it is one step closer to being done. I don't like to complain on here, moaning and groaning it not me. But I want to be honest-this isn't all peaches and light, but I am surviving and God is good!

10 Days and Counting

I have 10 days until my first surgery in the reconstruction process. I haven't decided whether to be excited or nervous to the point of throwing up. No seriously, I am totally excited about starting the process, I am nervous regarding how I am going to feel, how painful it is going to be and how long it will take be to get up and around. I don't do "down" well. I am excited to get this process underway. In my mind it is the beginning of the end. The end of treating/dealing/waking up with reminders of cancer. I know that I will still have scars: emotional scars, physical scars and even some spiritual scars, but knowing that I am as put back together as I can be, will let those scars be positive reminders of my journey. They will teach me more compassion for others, to be cautious with my words, to love unconditionally and to always look for ways to help others. I am ready to have my life back. I am ready to live each day with a new sense of purpose. I am ready to just be "Leigh", not "Leigh that's been through cancer".

Gearing Up!

Well, I am getting ready to go at it again! I should be able to start my reconstruction at the end of July. This comes only after going round and round with my doctors office. Once they realized I was talking to my insurance company and they couldn't blame it on "waiting on insurance" things are moving. I just want to get this started so it can be OVER!!!! I really don't think many people in the medical field understand this concept. I am tired of the daily reminders of all I had to endure last year, I want to put myself back together and move on!!!! The surgery has pros and cons. Pros like new boobs, a tummy tuck and cons like 2-3 days in a hospital (yuck), 2-3 weeks down time (I don't do down well) and I can't forget quite a bit of pain from what I've heard. So yes I am excited to get started and dreading it all at the same time.
On the bright side, I am so totally enjoying my summer! M is playing a ton of softball, I have gotten to play a few times myself (that will prove your age to you) and working like there is no tomorrow.

Summer is Here

Summer means one thing in my house--we are never home!! There is always something: softball (mine or M's), church activities, sport camps, throw in a little work and some family time and yes we are never home. This is my favorite time of year and I have really gotten to enjoy this one. Two summers ago I had back surgery and last year, well we all know how my last summer was, so this has been a wonderful change.
My last post, I was still a little traumatized. But round two with the plastics man is next week and I think I am a little more prepared for what he wants to do. I have talked to several people and doctors all of whom were not surprised with the "plan" and actually said that was good. So now I just need to figure out the timing!

The Plastics Man

Today is my first appointment with a plastic surgeon. I have been so excited about this up until today. I think I may truly throw up! I couldn't figure out why I felt so sick all the sudden? Where had all the excitement gone? Then a co-worker said, "hello-its like here we go again, another doctor, another surgery (or three or four), another...." And she is right, I truly want to meet this doctor and start this process, it is the last of the steps to not having to think about this everyday or being reminded every time you change clothes or take a shower that you have survived a major event. But this very minute, I want to puke!! I have a list of questions for the doctor, a timeline in my head (that hopefully he can make happen), and for the most part I know what to expect. Its not my first surgery, I have had drains before, I just don't know what or why I am so nervous? I learn more and more everyday about myself through all of this, somethings I like and some not so much. I know today that I can just trust in God for a calmness, for a wisdom to make sound decisions as far as doctors and treatment, and for a smooth reconstruction process all together.

Mother's Day is a Comin!

This blog has so been about cancer and my journey through it, that I just wanted to take time and say thanks to my mom. I have always been the "daddy's girl" and everyone knows that, but this last year my mom and I have developed a closer relationship. She has been there throughout the surgeries, treatments, mood swings and all that came with the cancer. She has been a great distraction for M, to keep her from worrying. I just don't often take the time to tell her how much she means to me. How much she has helped me through this process. Make sure you take the time to tell you mom how much she means to you. Tell her how much you love her. We are not promised tomorrow so take advantage of the now.