My Bucket!

This is a close-up of my bucket. The bucket is part of a partnership that KFC is doing with the Susan G. Komen foundation for breast cancer awareness. The buckets are being distributed from April 23 thru May 23, check out the link at www.bucketsforthecure.com . Not only is my name on a bucket by I was also fortunate enough to do an interview for Channel 5 about my personal story. It will air on Thursday at 5pm. Up to this point I have been anti pink ribbon, not because I don't believe in the cause but more because I was just not to "that place" in my dealing with breast cancer. I totally believe and know the importance of research, awareness, education and medical treatment when it comes to breast cancer, I just didn't want to be defined by a pink ribbon. I will have to say it is pretty cool to see your name associated with a campaign like this, and know that I am where I am because and in spite of it. Having had breast cancer has given so many opportunities to talk with others, hear their stories and hopefully help some going through cancer now.

Not What I Expected

Today marks a very important day in my life. One year ago today, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. One year ago today, I thought my world had fallen completely apart. I have never felt fear like what I felt that day. Never felt so uncertain, never so completely out of control. Over the last year I have been shown many times that I am not in control and that is good. I really thought today would be a "happy" day. One that I could look back and say Wooooohoooo, I made it. It has totally not been that at all. I have felt all the fear rush back in, the total sadness of the diagnosis, the complete out of control feeling. I know that God is in control, that He loves me and he will provide for me. I just didn't expect to feel that sadness again. I didn't expect to have to relive all the emotions of the past year. As I sit here, my eyes filled with tears, I know that today is not only a reminder of what has been, but of who has gotten me through. I completely know in my heart that these feelings are a reminder from God that says "You will always need me". Just because the rain has stopped doesn't not mean that you can do it on your own. So as confused as I am by the feelings there is a deep understanding as well. I am saved by nothing more or less than the grace of God, nothing I can do or say will get me further. Thank you God for giving me this day, this past year and hopefully many more to come!