No More Radiation!!!

Yesterday was the last of my radiation treatments!!! The only thing that will make me happier is no more treatments of any kind. The healing from radiation may take a week or two, but at least we aren't adding to what has to heal. I have heard several times over the last few weeks that radiation burn is like a bad sunburn. All I have to say is that if anyone burns this bad by being out in the sun, my advice would be STAY INSIDE--FOREVER!!!! This is ridiculous!! Yesterday was also treatment #7 out of 12 chemo treatments, so I am more than halfway done with chemo as well. I know that my mood should greatly improve over the next few day, just knowing that I am done with part of this and only have a few left of the other. That has been one of the hardest things for me to deal with is having my life on a schedule and not my own. Our family is always busy and doing stuff, but it is because we choose to do so not because we are "told to". I want the freedom to say oh I can't make it or I don't want to and know that it is not going to "cost" me in the long run.

Burn Baby Burn

It has finally hit, radiation burn. It is up my neck and under my arm at the end of my scar. I have this cream they gave me that I can put on several times a day for the discomfort, but it can't be put on for a couple hours before treatment or it will make the burn worse-that's a comforting thought!! I thought this stuff was suppose to help not hurt!!! Anyway, that has been the most difficult to deal with, my clothes irritate it, rubbing irritates it and just being irritates it. Chemo today was fine, I came home and took a nap and then showed houses tonight. I can tell I am more tired tonight but I feel pretty good overall. I have 5 days of radiation left and today was the 6th treatment in a series of 12 (so I am half way there)!!!! December 1 could not come soon enough!!
On another note, I went to the paint the park pink on Saturday with a couple of friends and walked on a very inspiring lady's team. She ask me if it bothered me to do an event like that, and it really made me think. It was difficult, but just because it makes me face what I am dealing with. It was a great reminder of what I have been through and what I have left to do. It made me jealous that so many were "done" with treatment and were able to move on with life. It made me very aware of where I am in my treatment--no hair, doctors 6 times a week, weight gain from steroids, just to mention a few that bother me. It also gave me hope that in time I will be in those ladies' shoes-done with treatment, totally changed by what I went through and moving in a direction that God has planned for me.

Light at the End of the Tunnel

I can somewhat see a light at the end of this tunnel--the treatment tunnel that is. I know there is still a long road ahead, but this phase is drawing to an end and I am ever so thankful!! I am so sick and tired of going to a medical appointment 6 times a week, I love the people but hate the reason!! I have noticed lately that I am beyond moody. I think this round of chemo is affecting my hormone level (or lack there of) more than the last. It has not been pretty. I don't know but by the grace of God why my husband and child come home every night. It is an honest to goodness internal battle with myself to watch my tongue and not take out all my frustrations on the people I love most. I can be sweet as sugar to a perfect stranger, but if you live in my house and looked at me cross eyed, you may be taking your life into your own hands. I hate that feeling, it is not me, it is not who I was raised to be and not how I want to act, but this has become my daily battle. I hate thinking I am setting this kind of example for my kid, she deserves better from me. I want to be real for her, I don't pretend this journey is easy, I want her to know and understand that life is work and it doesn't always go our way but there is a greater purpose for each of us. I want her to see that God is in control-not the estrogen level or lack thereof! So keep me in your prayers that I bite my tongue when needed and apologize to ones I hurt when I don't.