Monday, May 11, 2009
Countdown
I had a great Mother's Day weekend, it started with softball on Saturday (that makes any weekend great) and ended with a day spent with family. I was thankful not to have too much down time, I am just trying to stay busy and not think about the fact that surgery is 3 days away. The worry comes in waves-it is so strange that one minute I am fine, going about my day like nothing is going on, and then bam-I can't think of anything else and the worry and fear seem like more than I care to handle. I have found it very hard the last few days to talk about what is to come in the next few days/weeks, I can make jokes and keep it light hearted but when someone wants to really talk or I have to tell the story to someone that doesn't know-I am finding it harder to "tell the facts" and move on--its that wave thing again. Example, yesterday at church I had a friend that didn't know (how they slipped through the cracks of info I don't know) so I told her what was going on and I was fine-but after church when we had a moment to actually talk, I couldn't-so what did I do...I bolted. I just couldn't look 1 more person in the eye as they wished me well and said that they would pray for me. Its not that I don't appreciate the thoughts and prayers it just makes it so much more real and reminds me just how close surgery really is. I just keep reminding myself--1 day at a time. There will be an end to this, it will not last forever-but it will change me forever.
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My heart is so heavy for you right now. I cannot fathom the fear that you must be feeling during those waves. I know that no words can comfort you enough or make any of this any better. Just know you are being prayed for and loved.
ReplyDeleteIf you need to bolt, then bolt. Really, right now it is all about you. Do what you need to do to get through this. We will pray for you no matter what.
ReplyDeletehang in there babe! You do what YOU need to do for YOU! We all love you and want what's best for you... so if that means you aren't up to talking, then so be it. The people who truly love and respect you will understand. Just remember you have a huge abundance of people that are praying for you, and for God to give you what YOU need, not what WE think you need.... I love you honey, and am here if/when you need me!
ReplyDeleteEverything you've said is normal for this. Okay one minute, scared, then mad, then who knows what. I have been so thankful for the rain before, I am so ready for battle with lung cancer to be over. To hear the words cancer free will elevate my mood soooooo much. So I am so impatient sometimes with God's timeline. I want it yesterday!!!!!! It is okay. I pray for God's mercy to be with you. Knowing people are praying is a great comfort, at least for me. I only know you to see you at church, but love ya sister, cynde watson.
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