Tomorrow Is It!!!

I can't believe it is finally here, but tomorrow is my final treatment. It doesn't seem real that I could actually be done with chemo and radiation. In ways this year has flown by and in ways it has crept, but I am thankful to be here no matter how fast or slow it happened. I spent this past holiday week with great family and friends and time appreciating the important things in life. According to the doctors after treatment I will have my blood drawn to keep a check on different levels and to make sure that things stay like they are suppose to stay. But other than taking a pill and the occasional doctors visit I will be done!! I will spend the first part of next year healing, and hopefully start reconstruction the second half of the year. I want to be able to enjoy time without doctors appointments every week, M playing softball and just trying to get back to some kind of normalcy. I want to be able to just breathe.

One Month Left!

Only 4 weeks left of treatment!! I can't believe it, it sounds so weird to think I only have 4 more chemo treatments. Tuesday I had treatment 8 of 12, all went well. I am still trying to heal the radiation burn. It has been a nightmare! I have always said I loved blood, guts and gore as long as it wasn't mine-well its mine now. Burns are gross and PAINFUL!!!! I have slept in our recliner for the last 3 or 4 nights just to find a comfortable position. I swear I would rather do the first round of chemo again than deal with this burn. I don't like to be the complainer but seriously I just want to catch a break!! I can honestly say that up to this point, this is the worst part. I know it won't last much longer but I am totally ready for it to me over!!

No More Radiation!!!

Yesterday was the last of my radiation treatments!!! The only thing that will make me happier is no more treatments of any kind. The healing from radiation may take a week or two, but at least we aren't adding to what has to heal. I have heard several times over the last few weeks that radiation burn is like a bad sunburn. All I have to say is that if anyone burns this bad by being out in the sun, my advice would be STAY INSIDE--FOREVER!!!! This is ridiculous!! Yesterday was also treatment #7 out of 12 chemo treatments, so I am more than halfway done with chemo as well. I know that my mood should greatly improve over the next few day, just knowing that I am done with part of this and only have a few left of the other. That has been one of the hardest things for me to deal with is having my life on a schedule and not my own. Our family is always busy and doing stuff, but it is because we choose to do so not because we are "told to". I want the freedom to say oh I can't make it or I don't want to and know that it is not going to "cost" me in the long run.

Burn Baby Burn

It has finally hit, radiation burn. It is up my neck and under my arm at the end of my scar. I have this cream they gave me that I can put on several times a day for the discomfort, but it can't be put on for a couple hours before treatment or it will make the burn worse-that's a comforting thought!! I thought this stuff was suppose to help not hurt!!! Anyway, that has been the most difficult to deal with, my clothes irritate it, rubbing irritates it and just being irritates it. Chemo today was fine, I came home and took a nap and then showed houses tonight. I can tell I am more tired tonight but I feel pretty good overall. I have 5 days of radiation left and today was the 6th treatment in a series of 12 (so I am half way there)!!!! December 1 could not come soon enough!!
On another note, I went to the paint the park pink on Saturday with a couple of friends and walked on a very inspiring lady's team. She ask me if it bothered me to do an event like that, and it really made me think. It was difficult, but just because it makes me face what I am dealing with. It was a great reminder of what I have been through and what I have left to do. It made me jealous that so many were "done" with treatment and were able to move on with life. It made me very aware of where I am in my treatment--no hair, doctors 6 times a week, weight gain from steroids, just to mention a few that bother me. It also gave me hope that in time I will be in those ladies' shoes-done with treatment, totally changed by what I went through and moving in a direction that God has planned for me.

Light at the End of the Tunnel

I can somewhat see a light at the end of this tunnel--the treatment tunnel that is. I know there is still a long road ahead, but this phase is drawing to an end and I am ever so thankful!! I am so sick and tired of going to a medical appointment 6 times a week, I love the people but hate the reason!! I have noticed lately that I am beyond moody. I think this round of chemo is affecting my hormone level (or lack there of) more than the last. It has not been pretty. I don't know but by the grace of God why my husband and child come home every night. It is an honest to goodness internal battle with myself to watch my tongue and not take out all my frustrations on the people I love most. I can be sweet as sugar to a perfect stranger, but if you live in my house and looked at me cross eyed, you may be taking your life into your own hands. I hate that feeling, it is not me, it is not who I was raised to be and not how I want to act, but this has become my daily battle. I hate thinking I am setting this kind of example for my kid, she deserves better from me. I want to be real for her, I don't pretend this journey is easy, I want her to know and understand that life is work and it doesn't always go our way but there is a greater purpose for each of us. I want her to see that God is in control-not the estrogen level or lack thereof! So keep me in your prayers that I bite my tongue when needed and apologize to ones I hurt when I don't.

Not Bad At All

I survived round 3, to tell you the truth, I didn't even feel like I had anything done. I get a little sleepy from the pre-meds but that runs out pretty quick. After treatment, I ran a few errands and even went for a walk last night around the neighborhood (I have to do something to counter-act the steroids). Still doing radiation everyday (that is getting old) but I only have 20 left. M is keeping my free time occupied with softball, basketball and volleyball (all are traveling teams). I am thankful for the energy to run her around and all the help from friends and family when I don't. I feel like the updates get shorter and shorter, but I guess that is good. When there is not a lot going on-life is good!!

2 down and 10 to go

Well I survived the 2nd dose of this last round of chemo. It has gone so far like the first, I took a small nap after treatment and was doing 5th grade homework by 6pm. (wish I could have slept thru that). I am a little tired but at work and will be working until after 8pm tonight-oh joy!! The radiation isn't bothering me either, I just get tired of "the everyday thing". But I have 5 down of those and 25 more to go. That doesn't sound as good as 1 week down and 5 more to go, we will look at it in weeks right now until the number down is bigger than the number left. Its all in the way you look at it!!! I think my hair may be starting to grow back-don't get too excited it is merely peach fuzz but its something. It looks really light right now, I could care less what color it grows back preferably not grey!!! But I have a great colorist and am not afraid to use her!!!