Look What I Found

I was going through an old computer the other day and ran across this blog link in my favorites. I couldn't remember the last time I had used it. I stopped writing when I was able to deal with the hurt, anger and pure frustration of cancer without needing to scream on a daily basis. Don't get me wrong, I still feel the need to scream, I totally get frustrated (especially when I look in the mirror) and anger well that comes and goes-but less than it use to, but today I felt the need to write not for myself but for those who might read this and are still in the stages of needing to scream daily, maybe they are pissed at the world for the situation they are in and frustrated with every step of the healing process. It does get better, it becomes more easily accepted and the anger subsides. Me telling anyone this does not lesson the pain they feel now but maybe it gives a hope of it won't last forever.

One Week Post-Op

I am one week post-op(give or take a day) and all is going relatively well. Surgery was a breeze, I went in at 7:30am and was on my way home by 10:45am. I was really sore Thursday and part of Friday but that has gone away for the most part. I do have some strange "reaction" rash, we don't know if it was a prep thing, bandage thing, or a drug thing (my choice), so we are changing things up a little to see if this will go away. I feel really good, I have been able to drive, go to softball practice and my regular routine. If I could just get someone in my house to run the vacuum, life would be wonderful (they walk around without looking down-kind of like if I don't see the dirt then its not really there!!). I can say that this part of the "process" has been the easiest so far!

IT'S A LANDMARK DAY!!

I went to the oncologist yesterday for my 3 month checkup. I had my blood drawn and talked to the doctor, my initial blood work was good and she told me she would text me the full lab report later in the day. (I keep a copy of every report, xray etc.) So when I got to work this morning the report was on my desk. And for the first time in 2 years all my counts are normal!!! There is not a single "high" or "low" beside any of the counts. I know it may not seem like such a big deal, but for the first time in a long time everything is as it should be!

A New Boob!!

So I went to the plastics doc on Tuesday. I had really enjoyed the last few weeks of no doctors appointments but oh well, we gotta finish sometime. So the next surgery is scheduled April 7th. This will be a short and simple deal. He is going to remove the tissue expander on the left side and replace it with an implant!! He has decided not to do anything with the right side this time, that surgery will be more invasive and he says one's body can only handle so much at one time. I won't have to stay overnight and that is good, I much prefer my own bed. He had been to a conference on breast cancer and was on fire about new things to help with the reconstruction and healing from surgeries. I compare it to a "revival" for surgeons! Those of you who grew up going to church know what I mean, after a good revival one tends to be pretty fired up!
I have been talking to a woman recently diagnosed with breast cancer, though a different type than mine, still a similar process. It has made me go back and think about the emotions that I went through. Remembering the uncertainty of it all, asking yourself if your doing the right thing, and just wanting it to hurry up and all be over. I am thankful for where I am today, grateful for the journey that brought me here and hopeful in where God is taking me.

Long Time No Post!!

I am so sorry that I dropped off the face of the "blog" earth. Life has been such a whirlwind that I hadn't realized that I haven't posted since September. Well here is an update--the short sweet version. Over the last few months the plastics doctor has stretched the skin on my left side to its fullest. Then he has taken off the last 7 weeks to let it settle and stretch (while he had his own medical issues dealt with). So I go back the first week in March to talk about the next step in the process-taking the expander out, putting the implant in and making these two lumps on my chest actually look like boobs!! In my last post I complained about having a "d" boob and an "a" boob, well now that they are the same size they just need to be on the same level and look somewhat alike. I am feeling good and have enjoyed the break of not having weekly doctors appointment, I have struggled a little with my iron levels but that should be under control. I have been reminded a lot lately about what all I have been through and how blessed I am to be where I am at now. Talking with people who are just beginning their journey or those who are farther along than I, each day is a gift.

Getting There!

I am 6 1/2 weeks post surgery and today my blood counts are finally starting to rebound. I say that only to tell you that they took 7 viles of blood today so all that progress could be down the drain!!! Seriously though the doctor said that my blood counts are rebounding pretty quickly and all will be fine there.
As for reconstruction, I got thrown a HUGE curve ball on Friday. I went in for my weekly "filling" and then got told that my doctor has to have surgery and will be off for 6 weeks. Therefore, I will also have a 6 week delay in my "process" as the doc likes to refer to this as! Can you say hacked off!! Its not that I don't want the doc to feel better, I just don't want to have to wait to have boobs the same size. See right now I have 1-"D" and 1-"A-" not easy to pull off clothing when they are that different in size! The necrosis is still healing and is not bothering me as much, but we've decided to let it heal on its own instead of trying to sew it up again, so this will add weeks to the healing process as well. I am running a little short on patience with this whole reconstruction stuff. I keep reminding myself it's not about me, but dang it, it's getting old quick!
I saw a quote today on a friends fb that put a great new spin on an old quote. We've all been told that God doesn't give us more than we can handle--well that is not true. He does give us more than we can handle to we will rely on HIM!!

I Never Would Have Guessed

It has been 3 1/2 weeks since my first surgery for reconstruction. The doctor said that this would be a difficult surgery as far as recovery, but I would have never guessed it would have knocked me down like it has. At the end of 3 weeks, I am still not working full days (so not like me), I had a check up with the oncologist who informed me that I am VERY anemic. This would explain the no energy and the need to sleep for long periods of time. My incision is giving me a few problems, they say not to worry about it, but when the explanation of what is happening is that some of the fatty tissue is dying--it leaves a very unsettling feeling with you. I can say that I am emotionally spent. I have said on more than one occasion that had I known how difficult this would be, I'm not sure I would have been so eager to have done this. I know it is just the tired and emotional part of me saying this, but really lets get on with it. They start tomorrow adding saline to my tissue expander (that should feel great!!) but it is one step closer to being done. I don't like to complain on here, moaning and groaning it not me. But I want to be honest-this isn't all peaches and light, but I am surviving and God is good!